I echo everything Marina said. I was getting teary reading your words, they nailed so much of how I felt growing up AND definitely how I felt when Oscar passed and I also didn't take those early days to "lose it".
I felt sad that while you are always here for all of us, that is keeping you from being available to heal and feel supported by all of us.
I too would rather be helpful and behind the scenes in a retreat setting, even as an attendee I would want to help, be trying to anticipate what someone or the group may want or need.
I struggled when my boys were little with imaginative play with them, well honestly playing with them was hard. I felt I should be doing something like cleaning, straightening, being an efficient housewife while they were occupied. Something I regret to this day.
I broke rules as a kid/teenager/young adult, learned some lessons the very hard way. But I always aware of maintaining an upstanding image to the outside world.
Thank you for making me think hard about your words.
Like tends to find like, it seems. So many of us who have felt similarly. And please don't be sad about me being here to support - it makes me so happy and truly is so fulfilling! I just need to figure out how to not always feels so freaking responsible for everything!
Maybe the next retreat is for all of us to break the rules and act like disobedient kids :)
Breaking societal rules requires a lot of practise - and sometimes life doesn't give you enough time for it.
I can really relate to the controlled idea of living your life, being the good girl (my interpretation of your message). As always you word so eloquently a complexed world in a way that makes sense.
I was brought up pretty much like this, always considering others opinions and experiences, holding back my own, shuffling the bad under the carpet. And yet, strangely enough, I was expected to deal with most things on my own.
So yes, I walked out into the world as young woman in the 80's with everything planned and boxed in.
I quickly realised that being young during that decade opened up opportunities to break societal rules and expectation in so many different ways. And I could still do it pretty secretely, long before the digital platforms that really no longer hide anything.
But despite a lot of broken rules and wild years, the good girl in me was always taking over.
When D died, I did at first what everyone was expecting of me. Keeping my shit together and expressing gratitude for the promises of support that very quickly faded out. When I started speaking the truth of what life as a widow really meant for me, I broke lots of societal rules.
Thank you for sharing Marina. I feel like we all need to head out into the forest and have a good, collective scream for that good girl who had to hold it together on her own and never fully express herself.
Whenever I get to read your works, it always seems to help me to find out more about myself and the lack of any real healing journey, through some deep introspection. The info about a felt sense of security is something that really rings true for me. Thank you so much for sharing with us!!
Oh Dana, I have so many thoughts and emotions swirling through me after reading this and listening to the audio of your aura reading…but I can’t seem to put them into words. So, I’ll just say thank you so much for writing this and I relate to nearly every word. So many of the things you described are such strong similarities between the two of us…and I hope that one day the little girl in me and the little girl in you can break some rules and play together. ❤️❤️❤️
Wow, that resonated! I too have been that sensible, grown up since I was a little girl. I'm rereading Gabor Mate’s The Myth of Normal and he talks about how our brains are wired before we're consciously aware and behaviour patterns we learned as children can stay with us for decades. I can't remember hardly ever playing as a child (or being told to keep quiet when I did) and I love the idea of being more childlike and playful now 🙂
I echo everything Marina said. I was getting teary reading your words, they nailed so much of how I felt growing up AND definitely how I felt when Oscar passed and I also didn't take those early days to "lose it".
I felt sad that while you are always here for all of us, that is keeping you from being available to heal and feel supported by all of us.
I too would rather be helpful and behind the scenes in a retreat setting, even as an attendee I would want to help, be trying to anticipate what someone or the group may want or need.
I struggled when my boys were little with imaginative play with them, well honestly playing with them was hard. I felt I should be doing something like cleaning, straightening, being an efficient housewife while they were occupied. Something I regret to this day.
I broke rules as a kid/teenager/young adult, learned some lessons the very hard way. But I always aware of maintaining an upstanding image to the outside world.
Thank you for making me think hard about your words.
XO
Like tends to find like, it seems. So many of us who have felt similarly. And please don't be sad about me being here to support - it makes me so happy and truly is so fulfilling! I just need to figure out how to not always feels so freaking responsible for everything!
Maybe the next retreat is for all of us to break the rules and act like disobedient kids :)
Breaking societal rules requires a lot of practise - and sometimes life doesn't give you enough time for it.
I can really relate to the controlled idea of living your life, being the good girl (my interpretation of your message). As always you word so eloquently a complexed world in a way that makes sense.
I was brought up pretty much like this, always considering others opinions and experiences, holding back my own, shuffling the bad under the carpet. And yet, strangely enough, I was expected to deal with most things on my own.
So yes, I walked out into the world as young woman in the 80's with everything planned and boxed in.
I quickly realised that being young during that decade opened up opportunities to break societal rules and expectation in so many different ways. And I could still do it pretty secretely, long before the digital platforms that really no longer hide anything.
But despite a lot of broken rules and wild years, the good girl in me was always taking over.
When D died, I did at first what everyone was expecting of me. Keeping my shit together and expressing gratitude for the promises of support that very quickly faded out. When I started speaking the truth of what life as a widow really meant for me, I broke lots of societal rules.
Too many for some!
Thank you for sharing Marina. I feel like we all need to head out into the forest and have a good, collective scream for that good girl who had to hold it together on her own and never fully express herself.
Whenever I get to read your works, it always seems to help me to find out more about myself and the lack of any real healing journey, through some deep introspection. The info about a felt sense of security is something that really rings true for me. Thank you so much for sharing with us!!
Love this so much - what a tender exploration
Thank you for always giving me information to help me piece together all the tender parts of myself 💛
Oh Dana, I have so many thoughts and emotions swirling through me after reading this and listening to the audio of your aura reading…but I can’t seem to put them into words. So, I’ll just say thank you so much for writing this and I relate to nearly every word. So many of the things you described are such strong similarities between the two of us…and I hope that one day the little girl in me and the little girl in you can break some rules and play together. ❤️❤️❤️
I hope so too, Lora 💛💛💛
Wow, that resonated! I too have been that sensible, grown up since I was a little girl. I'm rereading Gabor Mate’s The Myth of Normal and he talks about how our brains are wired before we're consciously aware and behaviour patterns we learned as children can stay with us for decades. I can't remember hardly ever playing as a child (or being told to keep quiet when I did) and I love the idea of being more childlike and playful now 🙂