“I hate people. I'm not sure why I'm here.”

Reflections on a widow's retreat

Sep 25, 2025

My favorite testimonial from my annual Joy Scout Camp widow’s retreat is, “I hate people. I’m not sure why I’m here.”

I get it.

No one wants to be in the position to need a grief retreat. We don’t want to be in the position to need any support.

Most of us are pissed that we’re widows at all.

So it’s not uncommon for weary and reluctant travelers to show up that first night on the shores of Lake Michigan — with walls up, teeth gritted — and wonder what the hell they signed up for.

But I’ll tell you.

We spend so much of our grief in isolation — scrolling late at night, texting friends who don’t always get it, piecing together support in comments and DMs. Online connection matters, but sometimes we need more.

What I’ve learned from hosting Joy Scout Camp is this: when grievers gather in real life, something shifts. Healing deepens. Joy more easily sneaks back in.

Here are 10 reasons you should consider showing up to a widow’s retreat (or other in-person grief retreat):

1. You Remember You’re Not Alone

In grief, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one living this reality. Sitting face-to-face with people who get it breaks that isolation instantly.

2. No Explaining Necessary

At Joy Scout Camp, no one has to ask, “So what happened?” You walk in already understood. That relief is palpable — and healing.

3. Your Body Joins the Conversation

Online, it’s all words. In person, your body is invited to heal too — through shared meals, yoga, movement, laughter, or a silent disco under the stars.

4. Shared Rituals Sink Deeper

Creating a new vision of your future, standing around a bonfire, plunging into a cold lake — these acts hold more power when witnessed and shared.

5. Community Amplifies Emotion

Yes, you’ll probably cry. But you’ll also laugh harder than you have in months. Emotions expand in the safety of community.

6. Nature Helps Carry the Weight

At Joy Scout Camp, the lake, the trees, the night sky — they hold us just as much as we hold each other. In-person gatherings often bring you closer to the earth — and that’s healing in itself.

7. It Feels Like a Reset

Retreats pull you out of the grind. When you step back from your normal routine (and remove all expectations), you can see your grief (and your healing) with new perspective.

8. Connection Becomes Friendship

There’s a difference between “knowing someone online” and swapping stories over a morning coffee, or laughing under the stars. Friendships form faster in person.

9. You Carry It Home With You

The bonds you make at a weekend retreat don’t vanish when you leave. They ripple out — into texts, phone calls, and a sense of belonging that follows you back to daily life.

10. It’s Proof of Life

Gathering in person is a declaration: I’m still here. I can still feel, laugh, dance, cry, connect. It doesn’t erase grief, but it’s living proof that joy can survive alongside it.

Joy Scout Camp is the single most impactful thing I have done on my healing journey.
The picturesque and calm environment is the perfect setting for the sacred space Dana has created. I felt held by the women and nature in a way that made me feel connected and held and whole again. Sharing our stories and support, the group activities, and the ever-present option to do whatever feels good, opened up a part of me that loss had forgotten. I am filled with so much gratitude for Dana for creating Joy Scout Camp and the incredible women who feel like sisters.

Grief will always be part of your story, but it doesn’t have to be all of it. When we meet in real life, something shifts: grief feels lighter, joy feels closer, and the road ahead feels a little less lonely.

Oh, and the woman who said she hated people and didn’t know why she was there? She’s since traveled the world with Widows in the Wild, as a welcoming presence to the new widows who question what they’re doing.

So whether it’s Joy Scout Camp or another circle near you: get offline, show up, and let yourself be held.

And if traveling isn’t an option for you right now, but you could still need some support, consider joining us over at the Forced Joy Club, the best online space for grievers (worst club, best people).