Be a helper (even while grieving)
Reflections on how you can make a difference, despite being sad, exhausted, and overwhelmed
“Look for the helpers,” Mr. Rogers said.
But right now, looking isn’t enough. The harm is too organized. The cruelty is too deliberate. The stakes are too high.
So yes, we need helpers. But more than that, we need people willing to act even when they’re tired, grieving, and barely holding it together.
And if you’re thinking: I can’t even manage my own life right now — how am I supposed to help anyone else?
This is for you.
You don’t need energy. You don’t need expertise.
You need a few minutes, a phone, and the willingness to do one small thing anyway.
Below are 5 simple, tangible actions that actually move the needle — all of which you can do in your sweatpants, from bed, even on days when grief has already taken too much.
1. Contact your representatives in under 2 minutes (no scary phone call required)
Use Resistbot, which will message your officials for you.
Text RESIST to 50409 and send this (copy/paste is fine):
“I oppose funding, expansion, and cooperation with Immigration and Customs Enforcement. I support policies that protect immigrants, asylum seekers, and mixed-status families.”
Do this today before the Senate votes tomorrow (January 28th). Do it again tomorrow for a different cause.
Don’t know where to begin? You can text “TRENDING” to see other popular campaigns. For example, when I did this today, it brought up the SAVE Act, which is a systematic plan to suppress the vote (which I then proceeded to sign, which took under 5 seconds).
2. Cancel subscriptions and stop shopping at businesses that support Trump and help fund ICE
We vote with our money. Cancel your subscriptions to these companies with alleged ties to ICE:
Spotify
Amazon
Peacock
Paramount+
Amazon Prime
Disney+
Stop shopping at these businesses:
Target
Home Depot
Amazon
Walmart
Starbucks
Tesla
McDonald’s & Burger King
PepsiCo & Coca Cola
Samsung
Apple
Shell
Chevron
Whole Foods
Hilton Hotels
FedEx
UPS
Comcast
Convenience is not better than humanity. Support independent businesses and shop small in your town. But if you need other alternatives, Cut Off the Spigot has a good list of options here.
3. Set up a small recurring donation
It doesn’t have to be much because grief is expensive. But even $3–$5/month keeps legal aid moving every single day. Set it up once. Let automation carry what you can’t. If you don’t know where to begin, here are a couple options:
4. Start where you actually have power: your block.
Call, text, or check in on your neighbors. Not to debate. Not to convince. To remember that people are real and close and affected.
Lead with kindness and talk to people — even (especially) the ones who don’t see the world the way you do. Isolation is how extremism grows. Relationship is how it slows.
You don’t have to agree. You just have to stay human.
5. Call your Reps (it’s not that scary, promise)
I know some of us have a major aversion to calling strangers (I don’t even like to call for pizza), and if you’ve been forced to make grief-related calls recently, this task can feel even more monumental. But calls are more effective than emails, and they are tallied daily, so if you only do one thing, do this. If you really want to avoid humans (I get it), then call outside of office hours and leave a voicemail. Don’t know who your representatives are? Enter your address here to find out.
And to make it extra simple, here is an example script to defund ICE (the Senate votes Thursday, January 28th!), courtesy of 5calls.org :
Hi, my name is [NAME] and I’m a constituent from [CITY, ZIP].
[IF CALLING SENATE]: I’m calling to urge [REP/SEN NAME] push to defund ICE by opposing any appropriations bill that maintains ICE funding. This lawless agency is endangering public safety and must be held accountable. Further, [REP/SEN NAME] must demand a standalone DHS funding bill so that funding for other government agencies is not held hostage during negotiations.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
IF LEAVING VOICEMAIL: Please leave your full street address to ensure your call is tallied.
For future calls after Thursday’s Senate vote, 5calls.org makes it super easy to call to express your opinion on other issues. Simply enter your address, and it will give you the name and number of your reps as well as a script to use.
Don’t believe your calls matter? Read this post by Ben Sheehan of Politics Made Easy.
Bonus: Share ONE resource.
Share this substack. Share an Instagram post. Share a news article. You never know who in your network will see it and take action.
Grief already steals your sense of control. You don’t have to do everything right now, but you can do one small, defiant thing that reminds you that, even while grieving, you are not powerless.
“Please honor my friend by standing up for peace, preferably with a cup of black coffee in hand and a couple of pieces of candy in your pocket, just as he would. He would remind you that caring for others is hard work, and we must do whatever it takes to get through the long shifts. Step outside with your dog, breathe in the world, hike or bike as he loved to do, and let yourself find peace in the quiet moments within nature. Stand up for justice and speak with those whose views differ from your own. Hold your beliefs with strength, but always extend love outward, even in the face of adversity.
Take one step, no matter how small, to help heal our world. Through these acts, carry his light forward in his name. Let his legacy continue to heal.”
Written in honor of Alex Pretti by his nursing student, Jessica Hauser
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If this resonated, here are a couple more posts you may be interested in:
Thank you so much for this, Dana! A little side benefit to activism is that doing something is personally empowering and makes you feel better.
Really powerful framing on making action accessible when capacity is low. The idea that grief doesnt disqualify us from helping is something I've struggled with personaly. Breaking it down into 2-minute actions removes the excuse that we need to be at 100% to make a differenc. I think the genius here is treating activism like any other habit, where consistency matters more than intensity.