I’ve felt stunted creatively as of late. I’m not surprised - that’s what happens when I don’t give my mind room to breathe - I lose the words.
Writing, like many things, needs space. Space to process and connect and saunter like a centipede slithering through the dirt, each leg grabbing a new thought or idea.
I’ve forced many things over the years (joy, a smile), but never writing. Writing comes when it comes.
But for a person who relies on deadlines and schedules and a very full Google calendar, this stubborn tendency of my writing can be…frustrating (especially when I have a self-imposed weekly commitment to posting).
So despite my best effort (I have 7 shitty half-written drafts to show for it), I’m surrendering. I’m accepting that I’m in a season where my brain is simply too full to write (3 retreats in 6 weeks! A crowdfunding campaign! Fulfillment! Grant applications! Virtual membership! New logo! New website! Go, go, go!).
Until next month, when life slows to a more manageable pace, I’d love to use this space to connect, converse, and get to know each other.
So let’s connect! Use the comment section and ask a question. It can be deep or silly. It can be about grief or loss or love or life or all the tiny curiosities running through your head. It can be about death or the best place to buy jeans (the thrift store, always). I’ll do my best to answer them and if you feel inclined to answer, do so too!
I’ve always wanted this space to be a two-way conversation. So while I wait for words to turn into complete thoughts, I’d love to hear from you.
And maybe, just maybe, it will inspire me to write again.
TL:DR Ask a question in the comments and wait for either myself or someone else from the community to answer. Feel free to answer any questions too!
Pro-tip: If you are reading this in your email, to comment, you will need to click on the “Community Chat” header or the I’m Fine (& Other Lies) logo. This will take you to Substack where you can interact.
This video about the guy who decides what packaging things go into. One of the gems that came out of the pandemic. It’s absurd, but never gets old for me. 😆 https://youtu.be/iPf529urxw8?feature=shared
I had the opportunity to listen to author Joyce Carol Oates at the Gothenburg book fair yesterday.
She said some great things about writing. One thing that really stood out is how writing is a way of bearing witness to life in the aftermath of pain and trauma. She also said that every new book is like her first and that writing is a process, sometimes short and sometimes longer. It made me think of you, Dana. Trust your heart and the process - and let your honest and beautiful words flow when your heart is ready, not because your mind says it's time.
What are some go to "self help" type things that you like? Anything from the I need a minute to distract myself to the bigger let's deal with seasonal depression. I ask this as we head into fall, and this has become the hardest time of year for me. The quickly fading daylight, the temperature dropping, holidays. For me, my wife's birth and death days are 4 days apart, in December. I can feel the stress and anxiety building in my body already.
This is a great question and I'd be curious to hear other people's as well. I'm heading into my grief season (just passed our anniversary and now coming up on the diagnosis date - his and mine, the holidays, and his death date). What I need seems to shift each year (and season to season), so currently, it's feeling good to slow down and go inward. I'm preparing my home for cozy fires and nice candles and good sleep (finally upgraded my sheets and duvet). Anything to embrace slow feels best right now.
Also, a couple of my "back pocket" self help tools - swimming in the lake, a playlist I created with dance songs that help pull me out of a grief funk, a walk in the woods, or watching an episode of the Office.
Holidays still are tinged with grief, even 7 years later, so I'm constantly trying to create new traditions that bring me joy, while still honoring past ones that I still love.
Bill, do you have any self help "tricks" that you'll be using as you approach these big days?
I had to stop and think about this for a minute. I do have a few things I try to remember to do to help pull myself out. I will put in headphones and listen to some music, this can be a crapshoot, my mood usually determines what I end up listening to and it can make things better or worse. I will play sudoku, rather than doomscroll on FB. I will take the time to make a cup of tea, to savor the process, watch the tea leaves open up in the water. My next item and goal of sorts is to start yoga, most definitely in my own home so only my pup can laugh at me. I am trying to find peace, if it can be called that, through intention, to slow down the chaotic world around me.
What is so difficult and frustrating for me is how my mind responds when the griefy waves hit. I used to be very quick and intelligent, now I've got this Jekyll and Hyde thing going on. I guess I have gotten better at surviving the waves, but everything still kind of goes blank for a while. I'll come to after a wave passes a few days later, and wonder what happened to the time. I also get hit by an avalanche of guilt when I come to, I tend to pull away and that usually includes pulling away from my pup. I always feel bad if I don't spend time with him. That's my one true sentence, hang with Rico.
As for approaching the hardest time of the year, I don't really have anything beyond trying to find myself through intention while slowing down. I hope it helps.
Bill, I’m sorry you have two hard days so close together. My go-to’s are exercise, music, a long Netflix series, podcasts (still learning about this grief beast), and being with my community of friends who get it. It’s a balance that I’m still learning between sitting with my grief and taking a “respite” from it…which we need.
I find Fall to be hard as well. Summer is my grief season, so there is a relief to be through that, but I also find the decreased daylight to be hard, especially living alone. I find exercise to be helpful both physically & mentally. I like the mindfulness aspects of yoga, and I have cried or felt teary during many a yoga class (more so when my grief was fresher, not as often now). I also do strength training classes which I like for the sense of accomplishment and feeling that I can do hard things.
I also like being in nature, watching birds soaring in the sky, and listening to music. My cats have been a great comfort to me as well.
I’m almost 6 years out from Dan’s death (cancer) and I find the sad moments that come rarely have the tears, and at times I feel guilty for that. Anyone else (maybe not early grievers) experiencing this and have navigated to not feeling bad about not sobbing every time you think of your person? I sometimes miss that rawness the early days had.
I think it can be a hard shift from feeling so raw (and in a strange way, connected to our people) to entering back into life again (and losing that rawness). I think it's growth??? Or at least time?
I don't feel guilt for not breaking down in the same way, but like Christy, I also worry that at times my wall has been built back up. It's this strange combo of engaging with life again and also not having the energy to grieve like those early days. Does that make sense?
Yes, that makes sense, Dana. Grief is still a big part of my life, but not as all encompassing as it was at the beginning. I think I need to be more intentional about setting time and space to allow myself to feel the grief.
I also rarely have the tears anymore, even at times I wish I did or want to. My husband died in 2020 (also cancer). I used to cry pretty easily but probably the past couple years it has been harder. I think to some degree I have built up a wall of needing to be "strong", even in private. I think being able to cry more would help me but for some reason, I just can't break down. I also feel that I haven't properly grieved my dad's death (in 2016). At the time, my husband had been recently diagnosed with cancer so I was adjusting to life as a caregiver while also trying to keep up at work where I didn't feel supported in the right ways.
Remembering the good times and laughs shared I love, enjoy and welcome but the waves of sadness that derail my days can just stop! I don't miss the rawness of the early years and I do get annoyed with the blues 7 years post death. My daughter is planning her wedding. It should be a joyously occasion. Although I smile and plan with her, there are days where I just want to scream. The tears rarely come but the anger can find me full force when I let it. I feel like my grief is a constant battlefield. It wants to take over my life. I fight every day to live in the love and joy that is still there.
So I guess don't feel guilty for not having tears, I honestly want to have a month where I just get to enjoy the memories without blues following my footsteps.
Thank you for sharing, this is timely for me. Just returned from a trip where my son proposed to his girlfriend. I helped my son with the surprise meal afterwards for the immediate families. Smiles and no tears, goal achieved. I am happy for their next chapter. Now the emotions are out and sadness and anger here…thinking that every special life event will forever be marked/scarred. ❤️🩹
Oh the duality of grief: holding space for both joy and pain. Such a beautiful moment with your son and his new fiance AND the grief of not having your person there to celebrate with you.
As an early griever, having just lost my wife very recently to cancer, is wrong that I haven’t broken down yet? That I have anxiety and I feel lost, but I am not crying? I know part of it is a denial, but it is almost as though something in me is broken. Even making memory boards for the memorial and I feel anxious but I haven’t truly cried.
Hi Chris, I don't have lived experience of partner loss, but am 6 years on from the death of my brother and 34 years on from the death of my Dad when I was a teenager. I think it's so important to allow yourself experience and navigate your world after the death of your wife , whatever way it lands for you in any given day, whether that involves tears or no tears. There is no wrong way. Your question resonated, as in my earlier grieving phase, I got really worried and concerned about doing 'grief' right and thought if I could 'do it right' it would make it easier, and more importantly reflect my love in the best way possible for my dead brother, make him proud. Neither were true, life after the death of someone one love's is invariably messy , even if society seems to demand a more linear, crafted one. I am sorry this is part of your life now and your wife has died. Go gently with yourself.
I feel the same as Jilly - there is no doing grief "right" and we all handle it in different ways. That can be extremely difficult for those of us who want a roadmap to follow.
For me, those early days were filled with a lot of tasks and things to get through - it didn't leave me the space to break down. That came later. Sometimes our bodies/minds try and protect us from certain emotions so that we can keep moving forward. Give yourself all the grace during this period.
Chris, I am sorry for the recent loss of your wife. I am 19 months from the loss of my husband. I am learning to sit in whatever emotions whenever they come. Your grieving journey is yours and yours alone….whatever form it is from day to day. Feeling anxiety and lost and all the other emotions are normal given what you are going through. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. Self care and grace/patience with yourself. Prioritize that.
Tada! A beautiful written piece. So, what are you doing to create more space?
The self imposed deadlines can be the most challenging for me. Meeting them, letting them go, or adjusting as necessary. Giving myself compassion and grace to be human and make choices. This week, the choice was to distract myself. A little bit of burying my head in the sand, or possibly called resting and giving space. 😘
I agree that the self imposed deadlines are the hardest to adjust (why is that???). Like you, I'm working on giving myself grace to shift when it feels right and not hold on to the guilt/let down/disappointment associated with that.
In terms of what I'm doing to create more space? Planning for it. I'm working really hard over the next several weeks to put myself in a position to say "no" to things. I'm working on being better at finding pockets of space in the day to day, but that's proven to be harder than I'd like to admit. So a plan it is. (Ask me in November if this actually worked...).
Dana, you can only re-read one book from all the books you have read( I am assuming you are a reader) what book do you choose. No runner up titles allowed.🙂
The MOST impossible question!!! I need more time, but will come back with an answer soon/
And while you wait, a short story to give you insight into my personality:
As a kid, for our birthdays, my dad used to take my siblings and me to Toys R Us. We were allowed to pick out one toy each. Both my brother and sister would run down whatever aisle, grab a toy, and be back in 30 seconds. Not me. I would slowly saunter up and down every single aisle, looking at every single toy, making sure I saw all the options so I could pick the perfect one. It was so time consuming that my dad eventually had to add a time limit and threaten me with leaving with nothing in order to speed up my process.
So excuse me while I look at all my bookshelves, peruse every single book, and make sure I pick the perfect one 💛
I know this question was for Dana but for me the book is The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. By far one of the best books I've ever read. Came at just the right moment in my life and gave me hope.
Hi Angela, I meant to add an " & everyone", so thank you for answering. I haven't read The Midnight Library but its been on my radar for a while, so I must make that happen. Mine would be Lord of Rings by Tolkien, there would be other strong contenders but I will stick to my own prescribed one book limit.
I loved the Midnight Library! I actually just finished his most recent book, The Life Impossible, which was great, but I still loved Midnight Library more.
The Midnight Library is a great book! I am currently reading his book How to Stop Time. That book reminds me of The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab which is another great book.
Dana or anyone - How has your grief changed the further out you get from the loss, particularly of a spouse/partner? It has been 4 years for me since my husband died and am wondering what to expect as I get 5+ years out. It seems like I don't hear as much in the general "grief world" about grief/widowhood over the longer term.
For me, my grief has consistently changed over the years. In 2 weeks is Brad's diagnosis date, so we are coming up to year 8 for me. At this point the grief is much more integrated into my life (or maybe my being). I talk about Brad often and am able to do so without the tears or extreme feelings of grief from those first few years. I still get sad and miss him and our life, AND I have intentionally (and with a lot of effort) created a life I really love and am proud of. The grief feels softer now, pillowed between all the other parts of my life.
What I'm still struggling with is how he died and the trauma surrounding that (for him and myself). That feels cruel and unfair and I still carry anger and sadness about that.
Thank you for mentioning the anger and sadness about how Brad died. I have realized that I am angry over the circumstances of my husband's death. He died fairly early in the pandemic (July 2020). He had cancer (a type that doesn't have a cure) and was doing really well at the beginning of 2020. The Spring of 2020 the chemo drug he was on stopped working so he had to switch to another, then his platelets dropped too low to get chemo but not low enough to get a platelet transfusion to bring them back up again to a "safe" level. In the meantime, the cancer was getting worse but he couldn't get any treatment for it. It felt like being trapped in a spiral by the medical industry while also banging my head against a wall. Everything in the medical arena was weird at that time and there wasn't good communication by the providers. Part of me feels like things would have been different if the pandemic hadn't been going on at the same time, but there is no way to know that for sure.
I know it is a cliche, but he is still with you. Even if it is just from all of the things that he imparted to make you who you are. I am certain his birthday was hard, but i literally tell myself every night that even when my wife is not with me she is always in my heart.
Anyone want to share a short go-to video that puts a smile on your face? Two that I use frequently:
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1eo1e2m/the_proudest_yep_ive_ever_heard/
https://youtu.be/7o_KfrPNwbY?feature=shared
Love this question! And your choices.
For me, this video of Pharrell discovering the gift of Maggie Rogers always makes me smile: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyimCGEkiUc
This video about the guy who decides what packaging things go into. One of the gems that came out of the pandemic. It’s absurd, but never gets old for me. 😆 https://youtu.be/iPf529urxw8?feature=shared
I haven't seen this one! So good 😂
Reminds me of this one! https://www.tiktok.com/@originalspodcast/video/7306247039283760414?lang=en
SNL Sketch 'Weights and Measures' with Host Nate Bargatze
Yes, so good! Nate will definitely put a smile on your face. Saw him back in May; he had his dad perform too…it was great!
Wash it off with chocolate - yep! 😂
I had the opportunity to listen to author Joyce Carol Oates at the Gothenburg book fair yesterday.
She said some great things about writing. One thing that really stood out is how writing is a way of bearing witness to life in the aftermath of pain and trauma. She also said that every new book is like her first and that writing is a process, sometimes short and sometimes longer. It made me think of you, Dana. Trust your heart and the process - and let your honest and beautiful words flow when your heart is ready, not because your mind says it's time.
I love this Marina! "Writing is a way of bearing witness to life..." so so good.
Yes, bearing witness to the grief, thoughts, feelings….i like the book analogy
What are some go to "self help" type things that you like? Anything from the I need a minute to distract myself to the bigger let's deal with seasonal depression. I ask this as we head into fall, and this has become the hardest time of year for me. The quickly fading daylight, the temperature dropping, holidays. For me, my wife's birth and death days are 4 days apart, in December. I can feel the stress and anxiety building in my body already.
This is a great question and I'd be curious to hear other people's as well. I'm heading into my grief season (just passed our anniversary and now coming up on the diagnosis date - his and mine, the holidays, and his death date). What I need seems to shift each year (and season to season), so currently, it's feeling good to slow down and go inward. I'm preparing my home for cozy fires and nice candles and good sleep (finally upgraded my sheets and duvet). Anything to embrace slow feels best right now.
Also, a couple of my "back pocket" self help tools - swimming in the lake, a playlist I created with dance songs that help pull me out of a grief funk, a walk in the woods, or watching an episode of the Office.
Holidays still are tinged with grief, even 7 years later, so I'm constantly trying to create new traditions that bring me joy, while still honoring past ones that I still love.
Bill, do you have any self help "tricks" that you'll be using as you approach these big days?
I had to stop and think about this for a minute. I do have a few things I try to remember to do to help pull myself out. I will put in headphones and listen to some music, this can be a crapshoot, my mood usually determines what I end up listening to and it can make things better or worse. I will play sudoku, rather than doomscroll on FB. I will take the time to make a cup of tea, to savor the process, watch the tea leaves open up in the water. My next item and goal of sorts is to start yoga, most definitely in my own home so only my pup can laugh at me. I am trying to find peace, if it can be called that, through intention, to slow down the chaotic world around me.
What is so difficult and frustrating for me is how my mind responds when the griefy waves hit. I used to be very quick and intelligent, now I've got this Jekyll and Hyde thing going on. I guess I have gotten better at surviving the waves, but everything still kind of goes blank for a while. I'll come to after a wave passes a few days later, and wonder what happened to the time. I also get hit by an avalanche of guilt when I come to, I tend to pull away and that usually includes pulling away from my pup. I always feel bad if I don't spend time with him. That's my one true sentence, hang with Rico.
As for approaching the hardest time of the year, I don't really have anything beyond trying to find myself through intention while slowing down. I hope it helps.
Bill, I’m sorry you have two hard days so close together. My go-to’s are exercise, music, a long Netflix series, podcasts (still learning about this grief beast), and being with my community of friends who get it. It’s a balance that I’m still learning between sitting with my grief and taking a “respite” from it…which we need.
I find Fall to be hard as well. Summer is my grief season, so there is a relief to be through that, but I also find the decreased daylight to be hard, especially living alone. I find exercise to be helpful both physically & mentally. I like the mindfulness aspects of yoga, and I have cried or felt teary during many a yoga class (more so when my grief was fresher, not as often now). I also do strength training classes which I like for the sense of accomplishment and feeling that I can do hard things.
I also like being in nature, watching birds soaring in the sky, and listening to music. My cats have been a great comfort to me as well.
I’m almost 6 years out from Dan’s death (cancer) and I find the sad moments that come rarely have the tears, and at times I feel guilty for that. Anyone else (maybe not early grievers) experiencing this and have navigated to not feeling bad about not sobbing every time you think of your person? I sometimes miss that rawness the early days had.
I think it can be a hard shift from feeling so raw (and in a strange way, connected to our people) to entering back into life again (and losing that rawness). I think it's growth??? Or at least time?
I don't feel guilt for not breaking down in the same way, but like Christy, I also worry that at times my wall has been built back up. It's this strange combo of engaging with life again and also not having the energy to grieve like those early days. Does that make sense?
Yes, that makes sense, Dana. Grief is still a big part of my life, but not as all encompassing as it was at the beginning. I think I need to be more intentional about setting time and space to allow myself to feel the grief.
I also rarely have the tears anymore, even at times I wish I did or want to. My husband died in 2020 (also cancer). I used to cry pretty easily but probably the past couple years it has been harder. I think to some degree I have built up a wall of needing to be "strong", even in private. I think being able to cry more would help me but for some reason, I just can't break down. I also feel that I haven't properly grieved my dad's death (in 2016). At the time, my husband had been recently diagnosed with cancer so I was adjusting to life as a caregiver while also trying to keep up at work where I didn't feel supported in the right ways.
Remembering the good times and laughs shared I love, enjoy and welcome but the waves of sadness that derail my days can just stop! I don't miss the rawness of the early years and I do get annoyed with the blues 7 years post death. My daughter is planning her wedding. It should be a joyously occasion. Although I smile and plan with her, there are days where I just want to scream. The tears rarely come but the anger can find me full force when I let it. I feel like my grief is a constant battlefield. It wants to take over my life. I fight every day to live in the love and joy that is still there.
So I guess don't feel guilty for not having tears, I honestly want to have a month where I just get to enjoy the memories without blues following my footsteps.
Thank you for sharing, this is timely for me. Just returned from a trip where my son proposed to his girlfriend. I helped my son with the surprise meal afterwards for the immediate families. Smiles and no tears, goal achieved. I am happy for their next chapter. Now the emotions are out and sadness and anger here…thinking that every special life event will forever be marked/scarred. ❤️🩹
Oh the duality of grief: holding space for both joy and pain. Such a beautiful moment with your son and his new fiance AND the grief of not having your person there to celebrate with you.
As an early griever, having just lost my wife very recently to cancer, is wrong that I haven’t broken down yet? That I have anxiety and I feel lost, but I am not crying? I know part of it is a denial, but it is almost as though something in me is broken. Even making memory boards for the memorial and I feel anxious but I haven’t truly cried.
Hi Chris, I don't have lived experience of partner loss, but am 6 years on from the death of my brother and 34 years on from the death of my Dad when I was a teenager. I think it's so important to allow yourself experience and navigate your world after the death of your wife , whatever way it lands for you in any given day, whether that involves tears or no tears. There is no wrong way. Your question resonated, as in my earlier grieving phase, I got really worried and concerned about doing 'grief' right and thought if I could 'do it right' it would make it easier, and more importantly reflect my love in the best way possible for my dead brother, make him proud. Neither were true, life after the death of someone one love's is invariably messy , even if society seems to demand a more linear, crafted one. I am sorry this is part of your life now and your wife has died. Go gently with yourself.
I feel the same as Jilly - there is no doing grief "right" and we all handle it in different ways. That can be extremely difficult for those of us who want a roadmap to follow.
For me, those early days were filled with a lot of tasks and things to get through - it didn't leave me the space to break down. That came later. Sometimes our bodies/minds try and protect us from certain emotions so that we can keep moving forward. Give yourself all the grace during this period.
Chris, I am sorry for the recent loss of your wife. I am 19 months from the loss of my husband. I am learning to sit in whatever emotions whenever they come. Your grieving journey is yours and yours alone….whatever form it is from day to day. Feeling anxiety and lost and all the other emotions are normal given what you are going through. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. Self care and grace/patience with yourself. Prioritize that.
Tada! A beautiful written piece. So, what are you doing to create more space?
The self imposed deadlines can be the most challenging for me. Meeting them, letting them go, or adjusting as necessary. Giving myself compassion and grace to be human and make choices. This week, the choice was to distract myself. A little bit of burying my head in the sand, or possibly called resting and giving space. 😘
I agree that the self imposed deadlines are the hardest to adjust (why is that???). Like you, I'm working on giving myself grace to shift when it feels right and not hold on to the guilt/let down/disappointment associated with that.
In terms of what I'm doing to create more space? Planning for it. I'm working really hard over the next several weeks to put myself in a position to say "no" to things. I'm working on being better at finding pockets of space in the day to day, but that's proven to be harder than I'd like to admit. So a plan it is. (Ask me in November if this actually worked...).
Yes, I’m struggling with the same. Legit deadlines and self imposed. Need and want to slow down.
Dana, you can only re-read one book from all the books you have read( I am assuming you are a reader) what book do you choose. No runner up titles allowed.🙂
The MOST impossible question!!! I need more time, but will come back with an answer soon/
And while you wait, a short story to give you insight into my personality:
As a kid, for our birthdays, my dad used to take my siblings and me to Toys R Us. We were allowed to pick out one toy each. Both my brother and sister would run down whatever aisle, grab a toy, and be back in 30 seconds. Not me. I would slowly saunter up and down every single aisle, looking at every single toy, making sure I saw all the options so I could pick the perfect one. It was so time consuming that my dad eventually had to add a time limit and threaten me with leaving with nothing in order to speed up my process.
So excuse me while I look at all my bookshelves, peruse every single book, and make sure I pick the perfect one 💛
I know this question was for Dana but for me the book is The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. By far one of the best books I've ever read. Came at just the right moment in my life and gave me hope.
Hi Angela, I meant to add an " & everyone", so thank you for answering. I haven't read The Midnight Library but its been on my radar for a while, so I must make that happen. Mine would be Lord of Rings by Tolkien, there would be other strong contenders but I will stick to my own prescribed one book limit.
I've never read Lord of the Rings! Maybe this is my winter goal :)
I loved the Midnight Library! I actually just finished his most recent book, The Life Impossible, which was great, but I still loved Midnight Library more.
The Midnight Library is a great book! I am currently reading his book How to Stop Time. That book reminds me of The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab which is another great book.
Oh I love this question. For me it’s The Girls’ Guide to Hunting & Fishing by Melissa Bank.
I read that many years ago - I'll have to reread it!
Dana or anyone - How has your grief changed the further out you get from the loss, particularly of a spouse/partner? It has been 4 years for me since my husband died and am wondering what to expect as I get 5+ years out. It seems like I don't hear as much in the general "grief world" about grief/widowhood over the longer term.
For me, my grief has consistently changed over the years. In 2 weeks is Brad's diagnosis date, so we are coming up to year 8 for me. At this point the grief is much more integrated into my life (or maybe my being). I talk about Brad often and am able to do so without the tears or extreme feelings of grief from those first few years. I still get sad and miss him and our life, AND I have intentionally (and with a lot of effort) created a life I really love and am proud of. The grief feels softer now, pillowed between all the other parts of my life.
What I'm still struggling with is how he died and the trauma surrounding that (for him and myself). That feels cruel and unfair and I still carry anger and sadness about that.
Thank you for mentioning the anger and sadness about how Brad died. I have realized that I am angry over the circumstances of my husband's death. He died fairly early in the pandemic (July 2020). He had cancer (a type that doesn't have a cure) and was doing really well at the beginning of 2020. The Spring of 2020 the chemo drug he was on stopped working so he had to switch to another, then his platelets dropped too low to get chemo but not low enough to get a platelet transfusion to bring them back up again to a "safe" level. In the meantime, the cancer was getting worse but he couldn't get any treatment for it. It felt like being trapped in a spiral by the medical industry while also banging my head against a wall. Everything in the medical arena was weird at that time and there wasn't good communication by the providers. Part of me feels like things would have been different if the pandemic hadn't been going on at the same time, but there is no way to know that for sure.
I’m struggling with the loss of my grandpa who died 2 months ago it’ll be 2 months on Friday and tomorrow is his first birthday without him
This is so hard. Those milestone days, like birthdays, can really sting. Will you be doing anything to honor him - or yourself - today?
Today is my grandpas 2 months since he died
I just don’t know what or how to do it it’s so hard
I know it is a cliche, but he is still with you. Even if it is just from all of the things that he imparted to make you who you are. I am certain his birthday was hard, but i literally tell myself every night that even when my wife is not with me she is always in my heart.