I created an entire business around forcing joy. But before that, it was a very real coping mechanism that started in a moment of desperation.
My husband, Brad, was dying from a rare and terminal disease (although we were both draped in a heavy layer of denial at the time). Cancer was ravaging his body at warp speed and we were so far down in the dumps, we couldn’t see the light.
I was desperate. Desperate for a glimmer of hope. Of light. Of joy.
I no longer wanted fear, depression, and the unknown to reign over our days. So I declared to Brad that we needed to commit to daily moments of joy.
Brad rolled his eyes, slightly appalled, and said, “You mean forced joy?”
Yes. That’s exactly what I meant.
Later that day, while walking along the Detroit Riverfront, “Midnight Train to Georgia” started blasting out of a nearby speaker. Brad pulled me in, kissed me, and started to dance with me. Smiling, with tears rolling down both our cheeks, he leaned in, held me close, and whispered, “There's your forced joy.”
And the Forced Joy Project began.
We started documenting the little moments that brought us joy during a particularly tough time in our lives: sing-alongs on the way to doctor’s appointments, belly laughs over medical supplies such as the “ass pillow,” daydreams about future road trips, and late night conversations with loved ones.
After Brad died, when I didn’t want to get out of bed, I continued forcing joy in his honor. That joy looked different as widow - a smash session, a cup of coffee with a friend, a nap. It didn’t remove the grief, but in tiny little ways, it helped. And it proved that grief and joy can coexist.
Right now, life is hard for many of us. Maybe you’re feeling a similar sense of desperation and could use a moment of joy. I know I could.
Sometimes when reaching for joy, we don’t know where to begin. This is where we can all help. Let’s make a list - a collection of joy - that we can all come back to. From the big and the bold to the small and simple, tell us, how do you find joy when times are hard?
Do you have a song that makes you happy or a youtube video that brings a smile to your face? Feel free to share any links with us in the comments.
Today’s forced joy, Alkaline water and delicious coffee. A contradiction in terms and liquids for the spirit. I don’t know if alkaline water really helps, but I like it. :) 😘🤭😂
There are many more like pausing to breathe deeply before exiting the car. Calling a friend to remind me that we are all walking through life and everyone has challenges. Eating curry for lunch bc it warms my heart. On the days that feel super heavy, curling up under a warm blanket and allowing myself to check out while listening to a book.
I have two things that I rely on to bring me joy when I'm "not feeling it" those turning moments when I can feel my self sinking into that black hole. 1. Nature - a walk in the woods, some time in the garden pulling weeds or just looking at the flowers. (I spent hours sitting on the porch swing staring at nothing after Dave died) 2. Music - it always improves my mood.
My forced joy today was weeding, I was grateful for decent weather so I could get outside and lose a couple hours. Checking off tasks from my "to do" list, the sense of accomplishment and organization can help me. Listening to Jack White's new song over and over and over. Watching the birds enjoy themselves in my bird bath. Putting a weekly meal plan together so I don't have to think hard about what to cook each day. Sitting in the sun for a little while enjoying a bit of bourbon. Gosh, I didn't think I would be able to list one thing but here I am with several forced joy activities. Thank you Dana for the thought provoking assignment.
Today’s forced joy, Alkaline water and delicious coffee. A contradiction in terms and liquids for the spirit. I don’t know if alkaline water really helps, but I like it. :) 😘🤭😂
There are many more like pausing to breathe deeply before exiting the car. Calling a friend to remind me that we are all walking through life and everyone has challenges. Eating curry for lunch bc it warms my heart. On the days that feel super heavy, curling up under a warm blanket and allowing myself to check out while listening to a book.
I love the balanced contradiction here :)
So many good options - thanks for sharing with us!
I have two things that I rely on to bring me joy when I'm "not feeling it" those turning moments when I can feel my self sinking into that black hole. 1. Nature - a walk in the woods, some time in the garden pulling weeds or just looking at the flowers. (I spent hours sitting on the porch swing staring at nothing after Dave died) 2. Music - it always improves my mood.
Nature and music - two of my favorites.
My forced joy today was weeding, I was grateful for decent weather so I could get outside and lose a couple hours. Checking off tasks from my "to do" list, the sense of accomplishment and organization can help me. Listening to Jack White's new song over and over and over. Watching the birds enjoy themselves in my bird bath. Putting a weekly meal plan together so I don't have to think hard about what to cook each day. Sitting in the sun for a little while enjoying a bit of bourbon. Gosh, I didn't think I would be able to list one thing but here I am with several forced joy activities. Thank you Dana for the thought provoking assignment.