The first time I was asked to let go, I was sitting around a campfire with a group of cancer survivors. Brad had died earlier that year, and I was desperately trying to hold on to him and the life we built together. I didn’t want to let go. My grip was wound so tightly around my previous life. But sitting in the safety of the darkness, with a tear rolling down my cheek, I whispered my truth:
”I want to let go of the guilt for living a life different than I planned.”
My grip loosened, just a bit. My shoulders relaxed. I breathed a tiny bit easier.
Letting go doesn’t mean letting go of your person. Letting go means making a little more room for something else.
Entering a new year in grief can be brutal. Whether it’s the first year your person doesn’t exist in or just a reminder of your grief persisting, a new year can feel extremely heavy. But what if you didn’t need to carry all that weight? What if there was something you could leave behind?
Share with us in the comments what you are ready to let go of (even if it’s hard). And because it can be helpful to have our grief witnessed, please consider sharing words of encouragement on someone else’s comment.
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I would like to let go of the disappointment that lives with me in regard to how people I thought would be there were not, would have been supportive without their own agenda and realize grief doesn't have a magical end date. The disappointment can, at times, manifest into hurtful feelings and anger. I need to find a way to let some of it go for my own well being.
This is was the hard reality I butted up against in my loss as well. I try to “love them from a distance” and cultivate my life with those who are present. While it doesn’t take the hurt fully away, I remind myself of the many folks who came into my life post-loss to fill the voids those who drifted away left.
I still 3 1/2 years out with the idea of "letting go", I've had to reframe as moving forward, continuing to live, so it doesn't feel to me like I'm letting go of Oscar. But I get how you are using it here - I think I've "let go" of trying to make sense of how/why this happened and accepted it happened, it sucked and is/was shitty.
Thank you for sharing, Lisa - and I know you aren't alone in how you're feeling. It's really hard to separate "letting go" from "letting go of our people." And I commend you on letting go of needing to make sense of the how/why - that feels like a big thing to let go of.
Thanks Dana, I started working on it before Oscar passed away, but a lot of it came back up toward the end of the 2nd year, so I needed to really let it go then. Rehashing things I'd forgotten about and getting mad I didn't handle things differently wasn't doing me any good at that point. Definitely felt like tidal wave of emotions again.
I am starting to let go of more of Dan’s stuff. I’ve been in a tremendous mood to declutter a lot of things and now that the waves are quite settled (nearly 6 years out), I am realizing I am no longer attached to every single thing I was in the initial phases of grief. And I don’t feel guilty which is a relief because so much of the first year or so was touched with guilt and regrets and what could have beens.
I had this shift too - when all of Brad's things went from THE MOST SACRED ITEMS EVER to just stuff (which is how Brad viewed them). It felt a little freeing to be able to let go of some of those physical things while still holding on to the items that really have meaning for me (and him).
It’s been 3 1/2 years and I do feel a bit lighter, I’m trying to ‘let go’ of what I thought my life would look like going forward and be open to making new memories and a future
I love this. For me, this was really hard and I had to change my life so drastically from the life we shared in order to see a different future was possible. But I'm grateful I was able to get there.
I'm now at a full 3 years since Christina passed. The thing that I need to work on letting go is how I still seem to mentally live in 2 separate places. I sort of exist in between what we had and what that future was supposed to bring, and survival. Neither is good for me. I am trying to find a way to live now, make light plans for the future as it currently seems to look, but to understand that life changes quickly. Surviving has brought new joys to my life, but its very easy to see it all and get upset that its not what it was supposed to be. Finding a way to be happy with what I've built and to enjoy it in the present moment.
I would like to let go of the disappointment that lives with me in regard to how people I thought would be there were not, would have been supportive without their own agenda and realize grief doesn't have a magical end date. The disappointment can, at times, manifest into hurtful feelings and anger. I need to find a way to let some of it go for my own well being.
The disappointment is such a big one. I think so many of us feel this and the pain that comes with it.
This is was the hard reality I butted up against in my loss as well. I try to “love them from a distance” and cultivate my life with those who are present. While it doesn’t take the hurt fully away, I remind myself of the many folks who came into my life post-loss to fill the voids those who drifted away left.
I still 3 1/2 years out with the idea of "letting go", I've had to reframe as moving forward, continuing to live, so it doesn't feel to me like I'm letting go of Oscar. But I get how you are using it here - I think I've "let go" of trying to make sense of how/why this happened and accepted it happened, it sucked and is/was shitty.
Thank you for sharing, Lisa - and I know you aren't alone in how you're feeling. It's really hard to separate "letting go" from "letting go of our people." And I commend you on letting go of needing to make sense of the how/why - that feels like a big thing to let go of.
Thanks Dana, I started working on it before Oscar passed away, but a lot of it came back up toward the end of the 2nd year, so I needed to really let it go then. Rehashing things I'd forgotten about and getting mad I didn't handle things differently wasn't doing me any good at that point. Definitely felt like tidal wave of emotions again.
I am starting to let go of more of Dan’s stuff. I’ve been in a tremendous mood to declutter a lot of things and now that the waves are quite settled (nearly 6 years out), I am realizing I am no longer attached to every single thing I was in the initial phases of grief. And I don’t feel guilty which is a relief because so much of the first year or so was touched with guilt and regrets and what could have beens.
I had this shift too - when all of Brad's things went from THE MOST SACRED ITEMS EVER to just stuff (which is how Brad viewed them). It felt a little freeing to be able to let go of some of those physical things while still holding on to the items that really have meaning for me (and him).
It’s been 3 1/2 years and I do feel a bit lighter, I’m trying to ‘let go’ of what I thought my life would look like going forward and be open to making new memories and a future
I love this. For me, this was really hard and I had to change my life so drastically from the life we shared in order to see a different future was possible. But I'm grateful I was able to get there.
I'm now at a full 3 years since Christina passed. The thing that I need to work on letting go is how I still seem to mentally live in 2 separate places. I sort of exist in between what we had and what that future was supposed to bring, and survival. Neither is good for me. I am trying to find a way to live now, make light plans for the future as it currently seems to look, but to understand that life changes quickly. Surviving has brought new joys to my life, but its very easy to see it all and get upset that its not what it was supposed to be. Finding a way to be happy with what I've built and to enjoy it in the present moment.