Funeral industries are turning to AI to memorialize loved ones, and I have thoughts. Lots and lots of thoughts.
Here is a clip from the recent Washington Post Article describing using AI technology to write obituaries:
Funeral directors are increasingly asking the relatives of the deceased whether they would prefer for AI to write the obituary, rather than take on the task themselves. Josh McQueen, the vice president of marketing and product for the funeral-home management software Passare, said its AI tool has written tens of thousands of obituaries nationwide in the last few years.
Tech start-ups are also working to build obituary generators that are available to everyone in their time of grief, for a small fee. Sonali George, the founder of one such tool called CelebrateAlly, said the AI functions as an “enabler for human connection” because it can help people skip past an overwhelming taskand still end up with something that can bring their family together.
“Imagine for the person who just died, [wouldn’t] that person want their best friend to say a heartfelt tribute that makes everybody laugh, brings out the best, with AI?” she said. “If you had the tool to do ‘25 reasons why I love you, mom,’” she added, “wouldn’t it still mean something, even if it was written by a machine?”
I understand how taxing it can be to write an obituary, especially when you are in deep grief, and the temptation to just “get it done.” I know the pressure of attempting to capture a person’s life in 500 words. It feels monumental.
But what about the personal touch? The details? The quirks and imperfections? The humanness?
What about the catharsis that comes with getting lost in thought over a person’s life? Isn’t part of memorializing reminiscing over the memories??
What about you? Would you use AI to write an obituary? Would you want someone to use it for your own obituary? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
AI has already been writing obituaries & posting them online. I was looking for an obituary of a cousin who died a couple years ago and found a bunch of "fake" obituaries that were only filled with publicly available online information and clearly not written by anyone who knew her. I also found the same thing when I was looking for an obituary of someone else.
I never thought I had a gift for writing but have found that when you write something from the heart it resonates with people. And isn't that what an obituary should be? Something from the heart? In my opinion AI should be used as a tool to help you refine your actual words and correct grammar but you need to write down YOUR thoughts first if you expect to have anything that truly represents your loved one. This might seem strange but my husband's obituary came to me in a dream. I woke up, wrote it down and then read it to my mom who added a few things to round it out. Mom, my personal AI before ChatGPT took over our lives.
I'm with you that something from the heart means more than "polished and perfect" (or whatever AI gives you). And I love that his obituary came to you in a dream -- if you ever want to share it, I'd love to read it.
And thank goodness for moms (and the rest of our personal AI assistants 💛
Nope. Just no. Writing my husband’s obituary was so surreal and brutally emotional…but as hard as it was, I would never trade the experience of writing it ourselves for having AI do it. I went to his parents’ house to write it with them. I had a few friends come with me for support who got to see the house Ethan grew up in and learn more about him as his parents and I released streams of consciousness with all the memories and thoughts we all had about Ethan. And his Dad typed as we did that, until we had a draft…then we tweaked it, slept on it, and tweaked it more. What resulted was an obituary that so many people told me was one of the best they’d ever read and that really captured the essence of my husband. AI would never have been able to write what we did…but more importantly, it could never replicate the experience of us coming together in our collective grief and love to honor the most important person to all three of us (or of our loved ones getting to see his childhood home that shaped so much of him). ❤️🩹 Like you said, Dana…isn’t the most important part of an obituary the humanness? And I agree that such an important part of writing it is getting lost in your thoughts and memories and stories, and reminiscing on your own or with others. It was the same with writing my eulogy for him…I would never in a million years turn to AI for that, even though writing it was one of the most emotionally difficult things I’ve ever done.
I recognize that it helped that I’m a strong writer and his Dad is a published author (and was an editor for most of his adult life)…but if writing isn’t your strength or the task of writing the obituary feels too difficult or overwhelming, I think that’s a place where your people can help, rather than using AI. You can release your stream of consciousness to someone you trust and they can turn it into cohesive thoughts.
I love this: "It could never replicate the experience of us coming together in our collective grief and love to honor the most important person." So true.
I recoiled at the thought of AI generating an obituary. It was emotionally draining for both myself and Christina's mom, as we wrote it together. But, I do see the value in going through it. There are little sparks of what was, the things that gave her joy, and in a moment where the whole world has exploded around you, it helps to remember what made her special. AI can never capture that, it can only vomit out publicly available info. As a side note, when I go, if someone writes mine with AI, you better believe I will haunt whoever did that.
AI has already been writing obituaries & posting them online. I was looking for an obituary of a cousin who died a couple years ago and found a bunch of "fake" obituaries that were only filled with publicly available online information and clearly not written by anyone who knew her. I also found the same thing when I was looking for an obituary of someone else.
This is wild to me. And feels really disrespectful.
I never thought I had a gift for writing but have found that when you write something from the heart it resonates with people. And isn't that what an obituary should be? Something from the heart? In my opinion AI should be used as a tool to help you refine your actual words and correct grammar but you need to write down YOUR thoughts first if you expect to have anything that truly represents your loved one. This might seem strange but my husband's obituary came to me in a dream. I woke up, wrote it down and then read it to my mom who added a few things to round it out. Mom, my personal AI before ChatGPT took over our lives.
I'm with you that something from the heart means more than "polished and perfect" (or whatever AI gives you). And I love that his obituary came to you in a dream -- if you ever want to share it, I'd love to read it.
And thank goodness for moms (and the rest of our personal AI assistants 💛
Nope. Just no. Writing my husband’s obituary was so surreal and brutally emotional…but as hard as it was, I would never trade the experience of writing it ourselves for having AI do it. I went to his parents’ house to write it with them. I had a few friends come with me for support who got to see the house Ethan grew up in and learn more about him as his parents and I released streams of consciousness with all the memories and thoughts we all had about Ethan. And his Dad typed as we did that, until we had a draft…then we tweaked it, slept on it, and tweaked it more. What resulted was an obituary that so many people told me was one of the best they’d ever read and that really captured the essence of my husband. AI would never have been able to write what we did…but more importantly, it could never replicate the experience of us coming together in our collective grief and love to honor the most important person to all three of us (or of our loved ones getting to see his childhood home that shaped so much of him). ❤️🩹 Like you said, Dana…isn’t the most important part of an obituary the humanness? And I agree that such an important part of writing it is getting lost in your thoughts and memories and stories, and reminiscing on your own or with others. It was the same with writing my eulogy for him…I would never in a million years turn to AI for that, even though writing it was one of the most emotionally difficult things I’ve ever done.
I recognize that it helped that I’m a strong writer and his Dad is a published author (and was an editor for most of his adult life)…but if writing isn’t your strength or the task of writing the obituary feels too difficult or overwhelming, I think that’s a place where your people can help, rather than using AI. You can release your stream of consciousness to someone you trust and they can turn it into cohesive thoughts.
I love this: "It could never replicate the experience of us coming together in our collective grief and love to honor the most important person." So true.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
I'm with you.
I recoiled at the thought of AI generating an obituary. It was emotionally draining for both myself and Christina's mom, as we wrote it together. But, I do see the value in going through it. There are little sparks of what was, the things that gave her joy, and in a moment where the whole world has exploded around you, it helps to remember what made her special. AI can never capture that, it can only vomit out publicly available info. As a side note, when I go, if someone writes mine with AI, you better believe I will haunt whoever did that.
I agree completely, especially the haunting part.