I really enjoyed reading this piece! Due to health conditions and insurance needs, the housing market, and all the inflation, moving away isnt possible for me. I have a good job, and it makes a life possible for myself and my rescue pup. Like you, I needed change, and I have desperately wanted to run away from the life that was ours to find my own new life. I ended up striking a compromise that is working out for me, at least for now. Without doing a complete remodel of the house, I changed how I lived in it. It's just my dog and I, so I moved into my living room and slept on the couch for about a year and a half. I could stay up late to watch tv, then collapse out of exhaustion. It was the break from our bedroom I needed. I was able to make changes to the bedroom to make it suitable for me when it was time to move back in. It has taken lots of time and tears, but I remade the house from ours to mine. I do think its possible to stay here in this house and build my new life. Even if I don't, I did find a way to make it through the worst of times. By the way, everyone thought I had gone absolutely insane for sleeping on my couch for all that time. I knew that it was the right decision for me.
This piece resonated so deeply with me… “With my life crumbling down around me, I chose change. I chose potential future happiness over unfulfilled familiarity. I chose the unknown over the stagnant. I chose joy over misery.
I chose possibility.
I chose the daydream.”
Loss and grief puts us in so many impossible situations that are heartbreaking every way we look it seems… but to be able to get to the point where choose you and the potential in your future… it takes time and it’s a hard road to that choice… but being in a place to see possibility feels better!
I relate so much to the part about feeling stuck in the life you planned together…and I loved the line about feeling like a ghost wandering around in the afterlife. 💔 For the first year or so, I wasn’t ready to leave our home…but now I feel like I’m living in a time capsule and I’m ready to create a home of my own that will include things from our life together and things from my life now, but in a different physical space. My challenge is that I can’t afford a new place right now with how the housing and rental markets are…so I really feel stuck. I’m just trying to trust the unfolding and hope that things will shift in that regard at some point soon, so I can make a move. In the meantime, reading this was so helpful and resonant at this point in my grief…thank you. 💛
I cant tell you how much reading this line challenges the way I have found some sort of limbo-state comfort. In a good way. I needed to read this.
I am able to compartmentalize moments of new and change (and truly enjoy them), but when I retreat to my safe space in what was OUR physical home, its true...I find myself in limerance of the life that had us. I feel obsessed still with his existence. I'm at a point where I want to, and know that I need to move away from the life that he and I shared and envisioned together (because its simply not possible) and construct something that is just mine....but I also want to cling to the pieces of him that I have left. At some point, its unhealthy, I know, but still he is the love of my life, my favouite roommate, my best friend, my perfect cup of tea...my home, and I miss him so much. How can I not want to hang onto pieces of that charmed life?
"I forced myself to show up and go through the motions, with a smile plastered to my face. When that became too exhausting, I just stopped showing up."
Its true. I'm stuck. And this is where I am. Big-picture change is so hard.
Thank you for putting to words succinctly the space that I have been swimming in lately.
I really enjoyed reading this piece! Due to health conditions and insurance needs, the housing market, and all the inflation, moving away isnt possible for me. I have a good job, and it makes a life possible for myself and my rescue pup. Like you, I needed change, and I have desperately wanted to run away from the life that was ours to find my own new life. I ended up striking a compromise that is working out for me, at least for now. Without doing a complete remodel of the house, I changed how I lived in it. It's just my dog and I, so I moved into my living room and slept on the couch for about a year and a half. I could stay up late to watch tv, then collapse out of exhaustion. It was the break from our bedroom I needed. I was able to make changes to the bedroom to make it suitable for me when it was time to move back in. It has taken lots of time and tears, but I remade the house from ours to mine. I do think its possible to stay here in this house and build my new life. Even if I don't, I did find a way to make it through the worst of times. By the way, everyone thought I had gone absolutely insane for sleeping on my couch for all that time. I knew that it was the right decision for me.
This piece resonated so deeply with me… “With my life crumbling down around me, I chose change. I chose potential future happiness over unfulfilled familiarity. I chose the unknown over the stagnant. I chose joy over misery.
I chose possibility.
I chose the daydream.”
Loss and grief puts us in so many impossible situations that are heartbreaking every way we look it seems… but to be able to get to the point where choose you and the potential in your future… it takes time and it’s a hard road to that choice… but being in a place to see possibility feels better!
I relate so much to the part about feeling stuck in the life you planned together…and I loved the line about feeling like a ghost wandering around in the afterlife. 💔 For the first year or so, I wasn’t ready to leave our home…but now I feel like I’m living in a time capsule and I’m ready to create a home of my own that will include things from our life together and things from my life now, but in a different physical space. My challenge is that I can’t afford a new place right now with how the housing and rental markets are…so I really feel stuck. I’m just trying to trust the unfolding and hope that things will shift in that regard at some point soon, so I can make a move. In the meantime, reading this was so helpful and resonant at this point in my grief…thank you. 💛
"I’ve been stuck in the life that we planned."
I cant tell you how much reading this line challenges the way I have found some sort of limbo-state comfort. In a good way. I needed to read this.
I am able to compartmentalize moments of new and change (and truly enjoy them), but when I retreat to my safe space in what was OUR physical home, its true...I find myself in limerance of the life that had us. I feel obsessed still with his existence. I'm at a point where I want to, and know that I need to move away from the life that he and I shared and envisioned together (because its simply not possible) and construct something that is just mine....but I also want to cling to the pieces of him that I have left. At some point, its unhealthy, I know, but still he is the love of my life, my favouite roommate, my best friend, my perfect cup of tea...my home, and I miss him so much. How can I not want to hang onto pieces of that charmed life?
"I forced myself to show up and go through the motions, with a smile plastered to my face. When that became too exhausting, I just stopped showing up."
Its true. I'm stuck. And this is where I am. Big-picture change is so hard.
Thank you for putting to words succinctly the space that I have been swimming in lately.