I had and can have a terrible time with this. The Best advice, I received from a fellow griever. When someone asks if I need anything say “Yes, and I am not sure what.” Either then say, “what did you have in mind,” or create a list of who offers on your phone. This opens a door for more conversation or with the list, a reminder of who has actually offered, because when I need help, I can blank on who that person could be.
I love the "yes and I don't know what" response. I'd also add, "please keep asking."
And keeping a list is a genius idea. I still think I'd struggle to call people (working on it!), but this way we at least know who has actually offered.
A similar story for me two years ago. I was in shock and in deep grief, not eating or sleeping. My dog lost weight too…I don’t know how much of that was due to his grief and/or my lack of supporting him. Jay and I had always been very independent, get it done on our own kind of people. I was determined not to ask for help. This is my new life now. Might as well get use to it. That is still my default nature today; however, I am getting better at asking for help. So grateful for the friends who are walking alongside this path with me. And thank YOU for sharing and helping others!
I had and can have a terrible time with this. The Best advice, I received from a fellow griever. When someone asks if I need anything say “Yes, and I am not sure what.” Either then say, “what did you have in mind,” or create a list of who offers on your phone. This opens a door for more conversation or with the list, a reminder of who has actually offered, because when I need help, I can blank on who that person could be.
I love the "yes and I don't know what" response. I'd also add, "please keep asking."
And keeping a list is a genius idea. I still think I'd struggle to call people (working on it!), but this way we at least know who has actually offered.
A similar story for me two years ago. I was in shock and in deep grief, not eating or sleeping. My dog lost weight too…I don’t know how much of that was due to his grief and/or my lack of supporting him. Jay and I had always been very independent, get it done on our own kind of people. I was determined not to ask for help. This is my new life now. Might as well get use to it. That is still my default nature today; however, I am getting better at asking for help. So grateful for the friends who are walking alongside this path with me. And thank YOU for sharing and helping others!
I wish I had worked on asking for help sooner. I still struggle with it, but like you, am getting better!