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In the And's avatar

We’ve just passed 5 years and I still haven’t started dating seriously, however I did go out looking for hookups fairly quickly. (Which I learned is actually pretty common, despite the shame of talking about it. The wid-hoe era.) I always slept with people I didn’t like- because that felt safe to me. ‘I can sleep with this man because I would NEVER date him.’ My husband still has my heart, even if someone else had my body. I’m just now considering the possibility, though I won’t go searching on an app, I think maybe my heart could open in the right circumstance. But when I think too hard about it, all the things you mentioned, the dates/anniversaries, the one foot in each direction, it feels overwhelming, it feels impossible and I clam up again. I do also think it might be different if I weren’t a mother. Part of me feels like I won’t be fully ready until they are adults. Until my dating life won’t affect them so closely. As you can probably tell, I really have no answers! It’s such a personal experience that no one should feel entitled to comment on, even if you’ve lived it, our experiences as widows are like snowflakes. The same, and also wildly different.

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Mere Blas's avatar

As someone who lost my dad at 14, witnessed and benefited from watching my mom rebuild a beautiful life for my family with the loving encouragement of my dad’s family, I was unprepared for the judgement, mean comments and resentment towards both me and my husband (who is a widower) when we finally “came out” in the world as a couple. The love we share is new and different from our past and deserving of the same respect our previous relationships were shown, this is something we prioritize and align on daily. We are both young with a life ahead of us. I will never understand how or why there isn’t more of a curiosity or understanding (we have 6 kids in our family now) and I also respect that grief and also getting stuck in grief comes out in many forms. For us, strong boundaries with consistency, solid communication and teamwork are the things that gets us through…focusing on the love we share, the lessons we’ve learned, and the history that brought us together. There is much to be celebrated and much to be honored…life is a beautiful journey of continual learning. Taking the high road is a necessity and yet challenging all at once.

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