One other gift I got that was so thoughtful was a simple necklace from a friend. It has a small rectangle and on one side is an engraved heart and on the other side are my late husband’s initials. I have worn it nearly every day for 4 years. It’s much lighter and more subtle than wearing his wedding band, but still a way to “keep him close” to me. ♥️
Honestly, any gift that someone gives is a sign that they care. When I lost my brother I got very few; the fact that he was a sibling and not a partner apparently didn't trigger people to reach out in the same way. But he was 45, my only sibling (after losing our mom young too), and my best friend.
I would've appreciated anything, I think. Looking at this list of "bad" gifts makes me not want to give a griever anything, ever. Perspective goes both ways - even when you're overwhelmed with grief.
I completely agree with any gift that shows they care. We just want to know that others are thinking about us. I'm so sorry you didn't receive what you needed after your sibling died - I've had a lot of conversations with people who have lost siblings (including Brad's twin and sister) and how their loss doesn't always feel validated in the same way, which makes no sense because these are the people who have been with you your entire lives.
I think looking at the list of "bad" gifts can be completely overwhelming. I would have gratefully accepted most any of them. I think the most important thing is to think about the receiver and what may be helpful for them. Grief is unique and so personal, it's hard to get it "perfect" but at the end of the day, if you're thoughtful, I think it will be received well (but that's just my perspective and know others have different experiences!).
Perhaps the strongest bond between my late husband Greg and me was our support for animal protection causes. After he died, I first asked for memorial donations to three of our favorite organizations, and then established a memorial fund in his name to continue supporting these and others. So probably my favorite gift -- in the early days and now eight years later -- is a donation that supports these causes while also keeping Greg's name alive. One couple donated last year with the note "We loved Greg and we like feeling connected by keeping in touch and supporting you!" This is exactly what I hope for -- though the donations are fewer as the years go by.
What a well thought out list. I think you’ve literally covered it all. For me, it was people who dropped food at the front door. Then called or texted to let me know it was there. They wanted to respect my privacy.
(I desperately wanted to be alone) Another friend who brought food that would feed me for 3-4 days, every week, for a year and a half. She stills brings me prepared meals. It’s been 2 1/2 years now. And the one friend who has done it all. Travelled almost 600 miles one way. COUNTLESS times. The day after John’s death she drove from Florida to be with me (she was on vacation!) for two hours. Then drove back. I could write pages listing all the ways she has supported me. And still is right now. Durand, you are Love in action.
And Dana, I am extremely grateful to you & for everything you’ve shared & continue to share that have helped me since I found you.
Like Durand, you are Love in action. Thank you for composing this piece. I am definitely sharing it.
Thank you Julia! I love that your friends knew - and respected - that you needed alone time, but still managed to do something helpful. And Durand does sound like Love in Action - everyone deserves a friend like that. So grateful you have support to make this impossibly hard time a teeny, tiny bit easier.
Love these! So much work put into this ❣️
One other gift I got that was so thoughtful was a simple necklace from a friend. It has a small rectangle and on one side is an engraved heart and on the other side are my late husband’s initials. I have worn it nearly every day for 4 years. It’s much lighter and more subtle than wearing his wedding band, but still a way to “keep him close” to me. ♥️
This is beautiful. Simple and meaningful is always a great gift.
Honestly, any gift that someone gives is a sign that they care. When I lost my brother I got very few; the fact that he was a sibling and not a partner apparently didn't trigger people to reach out in the same way. But he was 45, my only sibling (after losing our mom young too), and my best friend.
I would've appreciated anything, I think. Looking at this list of "bad" gifts makes me not want to give a griever anything, ever. Perspective goes both ways - even when you're overwhelmed with grief.
I completely agree with any gift that shows they care. We just want to know that others are thinking about us. I'm so sorry you didn't receive what you needed after your sibling died - I've had a lot of conversations with people who have lost siblings (including Brad's twin and sister) and how their loss doesn't always feel validated in the same way, which makes no sense because these are the people who have been with you your entire lives.
I think looking at the list of "bad" gifts can be completely overwhelming. I would have gratefully accepted most any of them. I think the most important thing is to think about the receiver and what may be helpful for them. Grief is unique and so personal, it's hard to get it "perfect" but at the end of the day, if you're thoughtful, I think it will be received well (but that's just my perspective and know others have different experiences!).
Perhaps the strongest bond between my late husband Greg and me was our support for animal protection causes. After he died, I first asked for memorial donations to three of our favorite organizations, and then established a memorial fund in his name to continue supporting these and others. So probably my favorite gift -- in the early days and now eight years later -- is a donation that supports these causes while also keeping Greg's name alive. One couple donated last year with the note "We loved Greg and we like feeling connected by keeping in touch and supporting you!" This is exactly what I hope for -- though the donations are fewer as the years go by.
This is so lovely - and definitely the gift that continues to give and make an impact. Thank you so much for sharing!
What a well thought out list. I think you’ve literally covered it all. For me, it was people who dropped food at the front door. Then called or texted to let me know it was there. They wanted to respect my privacy.
(I desperately wanted to be alone) Another friend who brought food that would feed me for 3-4 days, every week, for a year and a half. She stills brings me prepared meals. It’s been 2 1/2 years now. And the one friend who has done it all. Travelled almost 600 miles one way. COUNTLESS times. The day after John’s death she drove from Florida to be with me (she was on vacation!) for two hours. Then drove back. I could write pages listing all the ways she has supported me. And still is right now. Durand, you are Love in action.
And Dana, I am extremely grateful to you & for everything you’ve shared & continue to share that have helped me since I found you.
Like Durand, you are Love in action. Thank you for composing this piece. I am definitely sharing it.
Thank you Julia! I love that your friends knew - and respected - that you needed alone time, but still managed to do something helpful. And Durand does sound like Love in Action - everyone deserves a friend like that. So grateful you have support to make this impossibly hard time a teeny, tiny bit easier.